Book Review: Have Him at Hello

After I scheduled my first Matchmaker date (see Misadventures in Matchmaking: Awkward Acquaintance Part 1), I decided to read Have Him at Hello by Rachel Greenwald.  Given my previous experiences, I felt that this book could help me interact with guys better.  I wasn’t sure what the date was going to be like, but I wanted to be able to put my best foot forward.

"It turns out there are clear, tangible, consistent reasons why men either fall for you or disappear... But it turns out that most times we're immediately sending signals we might not be aware of, and those inadvertent signals determine which way the date goes." - Rachel Greenwald

I have to admit that this book starts off kind of depressing.  Greenwald talks about how there are more and more first dates and how guys are becoming more selective when it comes to second dates.  In fact the first stage to falling in love is called filtering, where guys are purposely trying to filter out girls based on perceptive stereotypes.  The author wrote this book to help women earn that second date so that guys can get to know them better and not dismiss them based on an inaccurate assumption.

"There are more failed first dates today than ever before... everyone is window shopping but few are buying." - Rachel Greenwald

In order to write her book, the author spent 10 years researching and interviewed over 1,000 men.  She’s a dating coach and would conduct exit interviews for her clients to find out why guys never called again.  Using all of that information, she was able to compile the most common reasons why guys never called again or what she classifies as “date breakers.”

"First dates are failing not because two people aren't a good match, but rather because one person often gets filtered out too soon before the other one can make an accurate determination of future potential." - Rachel Greenwald

First, Greenwald lists the top questions that she has received through her work as a dating coach and then the answers to those questions.  Then she goes through the top “date breakers” for guys with the different categories that make up each as well as a sound familiar section to help the reader decide if she fits.  Next, the author gives suggestions on how to overcome the stereotypes that are “date breakers” for guys.  Finally, Greenwald added humor by listing the outtakes of some of the outrageous things that she heard during her interviews and also the things that guys do to turn girls off.

"With interview (just like dating), it's all about the three P's: preparation, presentation, and perception." - Rachel Greenwald

According to the author, “The top date-breaker men reported came down to one thing: dominant behavior.”  Unfortunately, that was the behavior that I most identified with and seems like it would be the most common issue for professional women.  We are taught that we have to be confident and assertive to get ahead at work, but that isn’t what a guy is necessarily looking for.  That being said, Greenwald does give some very beneficial tips to help overcome the stereotype.

"Smart dating isn't about altering your values or your identity. It's not about being artificial or putting on a show. It's certainly not about settling. It's about gathering information and using it to your advantage." - Rachel Greenwald

This is a really great book.  It is eye opening to some behaviors that women might think are innocent but guys lump into a stereotype that ultimately drives them away.  It also has actionable advice to overcome said stereotypes.  If you have been in the situation where you thought it was a great date, you never heard back from the guy, and you don’t know why, this is the perfect book for you.

"Once he's motivated to get to know you better, he'll see what your friends and family have known for years: you're not perfect, but, wow, you're terrific." - Rachel Greenwald

Have you ever read the book Have Him at Hello?  What did you think about it?  Do you agree or disagree with Rachel Greenwald?

 


Have Him at Hello Book Cover Have Him at Hello
Rachel Greenwald
Family & Relationships
Harmony Books
2010
281

Greenwald conducted in-depth Exit Interviews with 1,000 single men, asking them why they hadn't called back after a date. Citing true anecdotes and case studies, this book examines the most frequent date-breakers that men confess, and offers practical advice on how to avoid them.

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